This is pretty ridiculous, how many sites I have to share this stuff. But o well, I'll do the fucking legwork still.
Songs that made me Cry: When In Rome - The Promise
"I'm sorry but I'm just thinking of the right words to say
(I promise you)
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be
(I promise you)"
This song just came on while I’m here at Caribou this afternoon. It’s a song I have a huge amount of nostalgia for, when I was in 7th grade, I guess it was. And when Jake Rudh started playing it on his Twitch show in 2020, it reignited my memory and melancholy to go back to the time it came out when I was 12 years old.
I shared it with Joyce in some ways, having heard it maybe 50 or more times since COVID. And now that's she's gone, it's like it only makes me want to go back in time again. Even the lyrics about apologizing, I at times felt like saying to her, and want to still say to her.
Christmas Cookies
Every year, Joyce would make Christmas Cookies to give out as gifts to her friends and family.
Chocolate Chip
Chocolate Chip + Oatmeal
Chocolate Chip + Oatmeal + Raisins
Oatmeal Raisin
Sugar cookies with sprinkles. In various shapes and things.
Butter cookies
Some included as Chanukah cookies.
Like Thanksgiving, Joyce seemed to slave over every year. She would direct Victoria and Gabino the whole time, with a lot of laughter. Gabino would put too much flower or burn a batch, etc.
My memories of those Saturdays in mid-December were gathering some of the ingredients for her or with her. Well, it might be initially with her at the store. Cub Foods was probably #1, but sometimes Walmart and Target would also be spots to find the White or Brown Sugar, Flour (and I forget the specific type of flour, but it has to be “baking” flour from memory).
Oatmeal, which multiple times she thought she or already had, or after we moved, and came over, assumed her mom had enough oatmeal. I think at least a couple of times her mom told Joyce she had the oatmeal and/or the raisins, and she didn’t, lol. I even kind of remember the 2 of them arguing over that and other things. It was both frustrating but also funny, lol. I was observing on the side. That was 1 of multiple instances I was there, wanting to help but just couldn’t. I just didn’t want to make things worse. But of course, Joyce would look at me and think “you’re my husband, you’re supposed to back me up and take my side” And I did more often than not, but I also asked myself, what the hell did I get myself into? lol.
The Eggs were a HUGE sticking point, but it was mostly in recent years. Joyce became ADAMANT they had to be JUMBO eggs from Wally (Walmart), and it was only at Super Walmart’s they had the JUMBO eggs at 1 time. This was maybe 2022 that this issue came up. I think Joyce herself bought them and I didn’t, because it was just a few years ago this requirement crossed my radar.
But inevitably what would happen is, Joyce and I would get ready for the big Saturday, and it was intended to be as early as possible. When we were living at her mom’s, we’d just have to get the kitchen ready. The tables, cookie cutters, rolling pin, plastic bins, cookie sheets, etc. It was an ordeal.
And many times, Joyce would then realize, "uh, Papa, we need more flour” “Papa, we need vanilla extract. The bottle is expired” “Papa, there is not enough butter” So I would drive over to Coopers down the street or sometimes Cub or Walmart even. And I remember at least once, Joyce calling me asking how much longer until I got home. “Where are you? C’mon Papa, it’s getting late.”
The goal was always to make enough cookies for the kids (Victoria and Gabino), Joyce herself, and the gifts. Which in the early days I was there, she needed A LOT. Those cookie bags got big and in numbers. I even think some of her aunts got them as gifts like Juanita and maybe Helen. But her friends too, and I want to say a limited amount at her work (MNHS and perhaps even Barnes and Noble and maybe General Mills, although that might have been a bit contrary given where she was working, and it was only 1 year at General Mills).
There was 1 or 2 years, the cookie baking went so late, Joyce decided, forget it. I’ll finish it Sunday. I remember 1 year, the kids were done, and she just made her own on Sunday. There was also 1 year, most of the cookies were just for the kids, per she wanted to be done with it. I forget but have a memory of her telling her friends “yeah, I didn’t make a lot this year.”
Myself? I was hanging in the living room with her mom, on my laptop. At 1 time, with Coco (my memory of Alfie is limited the 2 years I was there with him). And even 1 year I brought Latte over. Latte, Scared kitty, hid under the couch, under her mom’s bed, and eventually the backroom. He was in a place he didn’t know; thus he tried to hide. Poor little Latte. That would have been 2021 I think. I wanted him to come over to her mom’s, just once. Have Victoria and Gabino and Joyce’s mom see Latte.
I think we did hang up a stocking for Latte as well, at least 1 year.
But my job, beyond being the messenger for missing ingredients and sometimes missing baking kitchen ware that we left at our house? I would pick up lunch/dinner. Usually Pizza. On my laptop and having her mom having the tv on in the living room. Mind you, the living room and kitchen were right next to each other and both relatively small. The kitchen really only could fit at most 3 people. So even if I wanted to help, there was NO ROOM for me to help in there with Joyce, Victoria and Gabino.
But usually by 3-5pm, it was time to wrap it up. There were a few years that it was maybe closer to 6-8pm. I just remember Joyce just wanting to plop down on her mom’s bed or the recliner and go to sleep. She used to kill herself. And even when it was done, she’d be stressing about gifts for people or needing to go get something at 1 of the stores before it was gone. Makeup, clothes. Her Shop-Party often didn’t leave her mind despite her energy and brain wanting to shutoff.
She’d be like “I hope they like them.”
Kind of like making Enchiladas or Tamales during the holidays with her mom even, which maybe that can be continued in another entry.
The cookies were made today (12/20/25) with the kids leading the way, and her mom’s oven not working. We used the kids Toaster Oven and Joyce and my “Breville” big toaster oven. Although only the Choc+Chip + Oatmeal were done today. The Sugar and Butter ones are going to be made tomorrow, I think. Joyce? I do suspect would be rolling her eyes and looking at Gabino like “Hmm, what did I teach you?” that snide sarcastic smirk of hers. And without her mom’s oven? She would have yelled at her mom and maybe me. She might have considered insisting on making them at the kids house or our house even. But then again, having them come over to our house?..Joyce would have also had issue with that. No TV right now for her mom anyway, so I might conclude the Toaster Ovens at her Mom’s would have to work this year. But she would have been adamant that next year, her mom’s oven needs to be work for the cookies.
