Dream last night (12/17/25)

I was with Joyce. I don't know if it was supposed to be now or many years back.

I know I was consoling and hugging her but she also was at the doctor's office. But I was a little hesistant to get close to her in that others were around to see. Why I wonder if it was actually many years ago, earlier in the time we were dating or now.

That's all I can remember now.

My light in my living room, well multiple lights sort of, has been flickering a lot over the last few days. I sometimes wonder if it's her or just the circuit in my house. The wire or connection, etc.

Maybe someday more of this will make more sense to me, I'm unsure.

Struggles

 My company will be gone in the near future, and thus my job. After over 21 years being there, it will be no more in the near future, and I won't be with them. Before this blog even existed.

I can say, this has been 1 of the hardest weeks since she passed away, and I would give anything right to have her help me through this. 

I know it wouldn't be easy, but like when she was furloughed or her grief when some celebrities she loved died like George Michael, Michael Nesmith, etc...I was there for her as best as I could be to give her a long, deep hug.

But, I don't have her for that for me now.

I guess that's my new normal.

Someday..someday I will write a novel length story or stories about my work there. It was for nearly half my adult life anyway. I saw so many people and things come and go in that time.

Two Thousand and Fucking Four.

It feels like ages ago, yet at the same time, it almost feels like yesterday in a way.