George Michael aka Jorge Miguel (and Joyce)

 

As much as Joyce was loyal and a massive (competitively #1 in her mind) fan of The Monkees and maybe equally Michael Nesmith (Michael Nemith), as I came to learn not too long after being around her, she was super obsessed with George Michael aka “Jorge Miguel.”

His work with Wham! of course, and then his solo career. As she told me when she was a kid in the 80’s (pre-High School based on the years), “You were either a Tears for Fears fan or a Wham! fan. I was Team Wham!”

When Joyce and I met in 2011 though, George Michael’s career had been somewhat quiet for several years. He did perform at the 2012 Summer Olympics in London though (and didn’t sing with Queen, but instead Jessie J did). And he released a new track titled “White Light.”

But he had had some health issues I guess including a stay in a Rehab center I recall not too long before that. However, he was looking to eventually make a new album as his previous record “Patience” was released in 2004.

And eventually he made what became a famed appearance on James Cordon’s The Late Late Show doing the 1st “Carpool Karaoke” with Cordon. Which went on to become a big segment on that show.

So, early 2016, the music world was shocked to lose David Bowie in January. And then fast forward a few months in April, Minnesota’s own Prince also was tragically lost as well. 2 of the biggest music icons lost in such a short window of time.

And while Joyce was a pretty big Prince fan (but not much of a Bowie fan though), what came towards the end of the calendar at X-Mas, really broke her heart.

George Michael was found dead in his residence on Christmas Day in 2016. I remember a couple of things about it. For 1, the news came while or maybe just before Joyce started making her Macaroni and Cheese. Something she would make periodically, and with a protein like chicken, or more likely around X-Mas, Ham.

I remember her crying that night saying she was going to always make Mac’n’cheese for Jorge Miguel on Christmas.

And of course, Wham! had the famous hit “Last Christmas” which has since become a staple to be played around Christmas and the Holidays now. Many inferior covers of course included. I’ll confess, I don’t think I’d ever heard it before meeting Joyce. But heard it (when she would play it) a ton before he died around X-Mas time every year, and then since even more.

There had been reports the day or 2 before about Carrie Fisher being hospitalized after flying home from Europe. And Joyce even said “I wish it had been Carrie Fisher instead” or something to that effect (“I wish the lord had taken Carrie Fisher instead”). Which Carrie Fisher did die herself on the 27th of December, just 2 days later from having blood clots.

George Michael had been looking to make a new album with Nile Rodgers right around the time he passed away. It was going to be a dance album. But it didn’t happen. I guess he had gained a lot of weight, but was trying to lose much of it, and his heart wasn’t able to handle it.

Joyce after that was talking about all the 80’s icons from her childhood were gone. Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Prince earlier in 2016, and now her beloved Jorge Miguel.

Joyce and her friends did get to see George Michael live once at least. Much of it is actually on YouTube. Here’s 1 clip, of her favorite song of all-time “Everything She Wants.”
Everything She Wants 7/7/2008

She had her friends all go to different Ticketmaster locations to make sure they got the best seats. And this was in 2008, when Ticketmaster sold tickets at stores like Mervyns California and other “Ticketmaster Outlets.”

So, at least she did get to see him. George Michael did come to St.Paul at least 1 other time, on September 13, 1988 which was on a Tuesday Night when she was 13 and in 8th grade. Just 11 days before my brother and I’s bnai-mitzvah in fact, lol. But I don’t believe she was able to go to that show. I cannot imagine Joyce’s mom allowing it.

On Sunday night, I attended with Joyce’s friend Rhonda, “The Life and Music of George Michael” tribute performance at the Pantages Theatre in Minneapolis. Joyce had reservations about tribute performances/bands, and this group had come to Minneapolis I believe in 2024, and she wasn’t interested. But when I saw they were coming back again in May, I asked her if she wanted to go and she reluctantly in some ways said sure.

The show was pretty good. They had 2 different guys singing and telling George Michael’s story and dressing the part. And they played most of the “hits” per say. Songs people knew from Wham! his solo career, duets and even a couple of his famed covers (Queen’s “Somebody to Love,” Stevie Wonder’s “As” and Elton John’s “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me”)

But I will admit, music has been very hard for me to listen to without getting grief triggers, and this show on Sunday Night was very much a struggle for me. There were at least 7 or 8 songs they played, that just got me thinking of her throughout them being played. “Everything She Wants” and “Carless Whisper” especially. And actually they give me earworms for hours or even days after. Most memorable songs do. And this being just a couple of days after, I’ve heard George Michael and Wham! songs in my head constantly the last couple of days.

And thinking of Joyce of course.

I do think while she may have appreciated seeing and hearing his music played live again after 17 years. She would still have had reservations about this show. “Father Figure” of course she never liked, and even “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” I think she got sick of like “I’m a Believer” and “Daydream Believer” (and even say “Pleasant Valley Sunday” to an extent).

But, thinking about George Michael, and its been almost 9 years since he passed away. And it was not long after we got married in 2016, I suppose seeing this show still would have meant something to her. Although to see like Mariah Carey or someone she liked and respected as a singer do it would maybe have meant more (even say Ricky Martin perhaps. Or Elton John? who was just in town last night for a Starkey benefit in fact).

But, it was still fun and good to see. Maybe a little cathartic even. Would I go again? I’m skeptical, especially for the price of even a tribute show. But I guess I wouldn’t rule it out. I do hope and feel Joyce was with me there.

3 months..

 7/22/25-10/22/25

It seems like the longest 3 months, or even 3 years of my life.

I truly hope and pray it will get easier eventually.

Grief triggers nearly every day, and wondering how I will be able to live like I have since she passed away for a sustainable amount of time.

I do hold some hope in doing new things, meeting new people, or will do both in the coming times.

But, it's still a struggle, thinking she should still be here with me. That it wasnt very long ago things were normal per say for Joyce and I.

And it all changed in what seemed like the blink of an eye.

I'm doing my best, but to say this has changed me pretty dramatically would be accurate. Changed what I think or how I see reality and life.

I guess in some fashion it happens to most people with the loss of a loved one. A spouse/partner you love especially.

Lady Gaga + Bruno Mars - Die With a Smile (Joyce)

This song, Joyce played constantly the Summer and Fall of 2024. It really was the last song she ever loved. And while I still have reservations about Bruno Mars, Joyce did too when he showed up around the same time Mayer Hawthorne and Janelle Monae (and even Kimbra) did in 2011/2012/2013. Joyce came around with him a little bit on "Uptown Funk" (her friend Bernetta may have helped that), and then especially with his collaboration with Anderson Paak. and SILK SONIC. The 70's r&b funk vibes totally spoke to her.

But then this tune, she became obsessed with, as she occassionally did with 1 song. She'd play it over and over and over.

And I'll admit, the song is pretty good. The instrumental guitar bridge/solo is great.

But I can't deny, it has and maybe will almost always come back to me with the lyrics and how she died a year after it came out. August 16th, 2024 is specifically when it was released.

In the middle of the hell of Dumpy's campaign. Kamala was confirmed literally 3 days after it was released on August 19th, 2024.

But the other biggie is the title and lyric "Die With a Smile"..when Joyce died, she was smiling. I have pics to prove it actually (I'm not going to show them though).

So, WTF..prophetic?..was listening to this song a premonition to her fate? and why didn't I die with her holding her in my arms?

I dunno, I don't want to believe in this stuff, but so much strange stuff has happened since she passed away, I can't help but wonder. Maybe somewhere in this song it suggests we will be together again, so holding on to that thought and belief, it gives me a bit of solace and peace.

But, I can't deny, for some reason this song almost predicted her near future. And reading much of Brian K Vaughan's recently released Graphic Novel, Spectators which is about what seems like it could be the end of the human race..or heading toward that, this almost adds more to that thought. 

But Spectators is set a long ways into the future..or in the future, several decades at least.

But maybe there is some hope and belief when I go, I will be with her and the lyrics and message behind this tune will not be so profoundly sad, even as romantic as they come across.

But make no mistake, Joyce and in her body, did Die With a Smile on her face, at least physically. She knew she was going to die, although she also said to me "People keep saying I'm going to kick the bucket. I'd like them to know, it ain't over til it's over." (Lenny..oddly who I still wish should have done the Prince tribute instead of Bruno Mars, but that's separate).

Ooh

I, I just woke up from a dream

Where you and I had to say goodbye

And I don't know what it all means

But since I survived, I realized

Wherever you go, that's where I'll follow

Nobody's promised tomorrow

So I'ma love you every night like it's the last night

Like it's the last night

If the world was ending, I'd wanna be next to you

If the party was over and our time on Earth was through

I'd wanna hold you just for a while and die with a smile

If the world was ending, I'd wanna be next to you

Ooh

Ooh, lost, lost in the words that we scream

I don't even wanna do this anymore

'Cause you already know what you mean to me

And our love's the only war worth fighting for

Wherever you go, that's where I'll follow

Nobody's promised tomorrow

So I'ma love you every night like it's the last night

Like it's the last night

If the world was ending, I'd wanna be next to you

If the party was over and our time on Earth was through

I'd wanna hold you just for a while and die with a smile

If the world was ending, I'd wanna be next to you

Right next to you

Next to you

Right next to you

Oh-oh, oh

If the world was ending, I'd wanna be next to you

If the party was over and our time on Earth was through

I'd wanna hold you just for a while and die with a smile

If the world was ending, I'd wanna be next to you

If the world was ending, I'd wanna be next to you

Ooh

I'd wanna be next to you

Therapy outside of home...

 Since losing Joyce, I've done a few things new/different.

Going to Synagogue once a week, mostly on Friday nights

Going to the Cemetery once a week

Trivia with Joyce's MNHS friends/colleagues. Kind of intermittently, but about once per month on Mondays or Wednesdays

Going to Barnes & Nobles, mostly 1 location. It could change. Reading, writing a little, people watching and at times, socializing mostly with the staff

Walking after work, mostly in my neighborhood. But with the intention of doing destination walks to Cemeteries, Parks and other spots. Here's a vague list

-Caponi Art Park (only through October)

-The Arboretum: went once, likely to go again, and it is open 12 months a year, but a bit of a commute down in Chaska, MN.

-Lakewood Cemetery

-Lebanon Hills Regional Park: went once, pretty enjoyable. No idea their hours/times of year open

-Dodge Nature Center in West St.Paul

-Lake Bde Maka Ska (previously Lake Calhoun)

-Summit Avenue

-Thompson Park in South St. Paul

-Malls: Mall of a America? Harmar? Maplewood Mall? Rosedale? Southdale? Burnsville Center?..maybe more likely in the Winter when the daylight is less and colder of course..maybe Galleria as well

-Along the Mississippi River in St.Paul

-7th Street and/or near Irvine Park

-Across the High Bridge..definitely not during the the Winter though

-Cavalry Cemetery: where Joyce is. Beyond going to talk to her, doing a walk. 

-many others I'm sure.

The point about the walks, and some may end up hopefully with others beyond The Arboretum.

But I also have both now gone to the Eagan Library and now as I write this, the St.Paul Jewish Community Center.

And I suspect the 4 or 5 go-to's could be

-Mt. Zion Synagogue

-Barnes & Noble

-Eagan Library

-JCC

I'm paying for the JCC for example. Barnes & Noble is the 1 I've probably enjoyed the most, or got the most out of thus far per I have engaged with the staff. Mt.Zion somewhat as well, and that has a weekly ritual and structure to it. But the people there have really been nice and approachable. They do have other events and activities beyond the Shabbat services that I may be involved with at some point. I need to do some research and see.

I also am going to try and look into Community Ed, specifically Cooking classes. The concern I have though for those are, that they seem to be about learning to cook 1 specific dish or style, which still may be worth doing, but not necessarily my ideal "cooking class" as opposed just a general class.

The social aspect to those and all this stuff seems to vary. Taking walks by myself may not result in a lot of social activity, but it potentially could I suppose.

As I am at the JCC right now, it does concern me a little bit from a social standpoint, most of the people here on a Thursday night are

a) Here to workout.

b) Here with their children, often to workout

Which kind of tells me, there's a chance getting something more out of coming here really will require me working out, as opposed to going to Barnes & Noble or the Library. And I do think swimming or walking, as long it doesn't require more $, I could be up for. I'm not sure though even doing those acitivities will lead to a lot of social activity. It might, but I swear I've had many experiences of that kind of thing where the people in public doing that stuff want very little to do with me and probably others socially.

But I won't know, if I don't try I guess. So, my next trip to the JCC sometime soon, I'm gonna have forgo blogging and maybe even reading, and plan to try and to do some walking.

I do know people here from my past, but who knows if/when I will run in to them. There is 1 woman who I used to go to school and Hebrew/Sunday school with I know does come here.

I guess if I do run into someone, her, or someone else potentially, it may make things easier.

But the primary reason for me coming to the JCC, joining, etc, was to get out of the house, and find an escape from the Misophonia-triggering neighbors/neighborhood I live in. And to maybe meet some (new) people, or spend time with people. Not necessarily doing physical activity though. More social. People watching, talking about things, common interests, etc. But, the jury very much is out on that.

I'll see. I may see how it goes, coming here over many trips, if I'm getting more out of it or not.

The other locations I am thinking of seeking out for an escape from my isolation at home, sometimes later in the evening perhaps

-Perkins
-Lunds, which is open until 10pm and has tables to sit and dine on

-Caribou..potentially several, but 1 of the locations in Eagan for sure

And along with B&N and maybe even another restaaurant or 2 potentially, they could serve the same purpose that I had in mind at the JCC, without having to pay for the membership. Per the JCC is still $83 a month? something like that, so it ends up being like $1000 per year. Not a fortune, but not nothing.

I guess it may depend my finances when the dust settles in the coming months. I am facing the reality that I am a 1-income household. But I also am shopping/paying for just 1 now. There also is the reality that I am currently now a 1-pet or cat household as well. So at least for now, I am saving $ in some of areas as well.

In other words, maybe $1000 a year isn't so dramatic, depending how much I can save. But there's a lot of other factors, especially just considering I may need to try saving $ anyway. Even or especially the $ that will come out of Joyce's affairs.

But for now, I'm going to try the JCC. But coming to the JCC to read and blog may not be what I do every time or even at all eventually. I don't know.

1. Synagogue

2. Barnes & Noble

3. Library

4. JCC

In terms of Social activity. But the library and JCC, I'm just starting to use so the jury is very much out. I do still worry though, I'm going to experience what I used to experience before I met Joyce in that I am people watching, and I'm noticing them, but they are not showing me they are noticing me if they are at all.

People go to these places to do their thing and go home. They're not bars, or even social clubs. Although I would think they would have them. The library also clearly is a spot at times for MUCH YOUNGER people. High School, Grade School and maybe some College Students who may not want anything to do with me.

I'll admit, if I could meet people into music or scifi stuff, even that young, it would hold some possible social connections. But I feel creepy talking to kids that young. Although I don't come across or look as old as I am. But still, the socializing with kids more than half my age?..yeah, I just feel like it's not a great idea.

I guess with the JCC, like all of these experiences, some of it is random chance, but maybe if I did the exact same thing on another night or a few times, I may end up with a different result.

Although I am reminded, like at the library the other night, it could backfire, and hearing loud groups of younger people or children could be worse than not talking to anyone. Unsure.

But for tonight, I'd say 

Finding a quiet place to read and escaping the kids and noise near my home that I can hear? yes
Seeing or connecting with someone here at the JCC while reading or blogging? not really

I guess I will do some research and intend to go walking in my next trip. The destination indoor walks here though, might be enough to keep my membership during the winter at least. But like I said, I have some skepticism it will result in the "meeting new people" thing.

But researching if there are groups/clubs of people with similar interests here? Music/Vinyl/Concerts? Scifi? Film? Sports even?..maybe even a Widow/Widowers group?..kind of like the grief group I do Zoom calls with every few weeks, might exist.

I will admit, seeing kids here..8-15 or 16 y/o ish..I mean that was me back in my youth anyway here, so I shouldn't be super surprised to see much of that still here.

I guess I may report back on this at some point soon. Call it an experiment that I need give some time with. Barnsie and Mt. Zion..seem to be ok. The Library(s) and JCC?..gonna have to see over some more time.

There is also the Geek Hangout..which the jury is still out on too. I'd love to meet some fellow DS9 or Psych fans even, which they may exist, but finding them and connecting where people get together? could be a big hurdle. But maybe it's just a matter of digging...

An extraverted Social person who often feels invisible to others with the intention of not bothering them. Is it due to everyone else being introverted? or is it just me? Social Anxiety (Disorder)? I swear I have it, or have had it, despite my chatty nature. I feel like I bother people by talking too much. But I likely am on the spectrum anyway. But maybe I just need to learn to ask others about themselves more, and they will engage more?