So
So these were announced about a month ago to be special Hello Kitty Starbucks items for sale November 6th at Starbucks locations.
Joyce loved Hello Kitty. She got sucked-in, or was way in before the masses got totally sucked-in to Hello-Kitty per her endless collection of items. And I'm 99.99% certain she would have wanted the Plushie and maybe the Mug. Probably the mug.
Joyce's cousin notified me about this about a month ago, and she is into Hello Kitty very much like Joyce. Although Joyce being the competitive collector she was, would always claim to be more into HK than her cousin. But her cousin probably got into it largely per Joyce anyway.
Well Victoria got up this morning and after over an hour of waiting, managed to get a Plushie at a Starbucks, at like 6:30AM. The only 1 the Starbucks got, lol. After waiting an hour.
I did not get up in time. Didn't fully realize how mobbed they would be I guess. And a lot of it was likely people buying them and then flipping them on ebay pathetically, and yet quite predictable.
Joyce would get sucked into the hype, and I suppose in a way, I have been too.
I wanted to get 1 of those plushies for her. Even though she's gone. For her memory. But I didn't. I did go to my local Target and found 1 of the plastic glasses at least this evening. But I guess people lined up at 5AM.
I guess I don't feel so bad as getting up so early, going out in the dark, and no guarantee I even get 1, and for her, not myself, I guess it's not going to traumatize me so much. But I can't deny, I am apologizing and feeling guilty.
It goes back in some ways in her missing out on k.d. lang's complete Ingenue concert she missed, or a few years back these Plushies they had at the Cat Cafe Cafe Meow I recall in Minneapolis and New Hope having special movie Plushies for the new Puss N Boots movie. Joyce found out about them the day after the premiere, but I called the Cafe asking if they still had them on Saturday and they were all gone.
She dwelled on that for a few days, and later would bring it up.
All Papa's fault. I apologized to her even though I didn't know about them. Although I kind of remember telling her we or I could try going over the weekend instead of on the Friday.
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So transitioning to the topic I have been seeing in many of the Widow/Widower communities (Facebook and Reddit mostly at this point). Being in widowhood, you go from having a companion for so long. In my case, the better part of over 14 years. To back to nobody. Loneliness.
I didn't love being alone before I met Joyce, but I guess I dealt with it, even though I do believe I experienced levels of depression. And I'll admit, even when I was with Joyce, I experienced being lonely in public at times. I think it is my perception of feeling invisible to women. Or to a lot of women.
I guess it could be just random chance on the women I would encounter, and why I never noticed them noticing me. It's like their approach and being conditioned to do their thing in public places, and they are not looking to be approached by men in many environments. The creepy factor. And I don't blame them for that, but it kind of can drive men like myself too far the other way.
It may come down to the place and situation. For example, I was at a movie last night Bugonia (which I filmed a video review for YouTube actually, which I will hopefully put up on my channel soon), and there were maybe 10 people in the theater. One of them, was a woman sitting alone, eating her popcorn.
After the movie was over, I ended up leaving right in front of her. I could have, but didn't say anything to her. I didn't even look at her after leaving the theater. I do think she went to use the restroom right afterwards. But the point I am making, that's not a situation to approach a woman really. I mean I guess I could have said something to her, or any of the other people leaving the theater. But I was just minding my own business.
And maybe had I, she might have engaged in a short chat with me. But even if that had happened, chances are, I never would see her again. I guess it may depend. The movie was kind of niche. A darker, Scifi Black Comedy of sorts. And it has provoked a lot of chatter I guess afterwards from accounts I've read online.
But the point being, it's so many of these situations that make meeting women at times so challenging. I mean places like book stores, coffee shops, libraries, grocery stores, gyms, walks,, etc are not places most women go to meet men. They go there to do what they want, and then go home. Even record stores or record shows, while obviously they are there per they have an interest in music, like myself. They are not really there to get hit on by men. I mean I suppose it might be a little more likely, but then again, most of the women I ever see at Record Stores and concerts, are not single anyway. I'd estimate 90% or more. And more often than not, they are there with their boyfriend/husband anyway.
Which kind of goes back to my decades old dilemma in that Women into music, collecting music, being super passionate about music, especially the kinds of music I love, are super rare. I'm not saying they don't exist, nor are there none who are single (or even Single maybe looking, per there are many women who are single, and not interested in looking).
But part of the issue comes down to love of music, and not just someone who listens to whatever their friends like or the radio/tiktok trends. Or Country or even say Rap or something. Or "soundtracks."
Because there are plenty of women who enjoy "music" but not really are "musos" or whatever. And I know, Joyce being one, although still a bit of an exception in that her taste in music was not really a "muso" but she was very consumed by the music she loved. It just wasn't about *listening to music*, so much as being able to dance to it or it having a hook. "Pop Music" per say.
But Prog and Metal? she loathed. But her passion for her music, and it being at least somewhat still within my tastes (80's and 90's Pop among some others), I could connect with her.
But women who even have a Spotify account that show listening to a lot of Sabrina Carpenter, Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, Olivia Rodrigo, Bad Bunny, and the like. Yeah, I would struggle to connect with their music listening tastes.
And even say if they were record collectors. They participate on Record Store Day, or even do YouTube or possibly podcasting about music, at least I might be able to connect to, regardless to much of their taste. But the amount of women I see doing that stuff is sadly still limited. There are some. More than probably their used to be. But it's still largely sausage fests, or even the women that do? yeah they are somewhere else on the planet and likely not single anyway.
I mean I concluded years back, the idea of meeting a woman who I would share the same music taste is not too likely, and even if so, that can't be the basis of a relationship. I suppose there are some couples that do, and it can be a big thing. But things like values, family, and other life interests and priorities can be more important.
They were with Joyce. And I imagine they could be with someone else. I just find some of it is a culture thing. Joyce connected with me in being so passionate about music. She "got me" in that sense, and I "got her."
I would love to find a companion who "gets me" even if they don't share the same taste or limited taste in music. Or the old adage, maybe she may acquire a taste for some of my taste in music. Although that's often got to be a give-and-take thing. And I did that with Joyce. I got into some of her music, The Monkees, Michael Nesmith, Josh Rouse, Mayer Hawthorne, George Michael even. And she did a bit witht mine like Bend Sinister, sElf and a few other examples.
I dunno, the more I continue to think about this, the more frustrating it gets. And it does come back to the conclusion I made right when I met Joyce. Fuck it, I want to love my stuff. If I meet someone who does or not.
But the loneliness still may exist, even if I used to call my music "my companion/relationship/girlfriend" lol.
