Since losing Joyce, I've done a few things new/different.
Going to Synagogue once a week, mostly on Friday nights
Going to the Cemetery once a week
Trivia with Joyce's MNHS friends/colleagues. Kind of intermittently, but about once per month on Mondays or Wednesdays
Going to Barnes & Nobles, mostly 1 location. It could change. Reading, writing a little, people watching and at times, socializing mostly with the staff
Walking after work, mostly in my neighborhood. But with the intention of doing destination walks to Cemeteries, Parks and other spots. Here's a vague list
-Caponi Art Park (only through October)
-The Arboretum: went once, likely to go again, and it is open 12 months a year, but a bit of a commute down in Chaska, MN.
-Lakewood Cemetery
-Lebanon Hills Regional Park: went once, pretty enjoyable. No idea their hours/times of year open
-Dodge Nature Center in West St.Paul
-Lake Bde Maka Ska (previously Lake Calhoun)
-Summit Avenue
-Thompson Park in South St. Paul
-Malls: Mall of a America? Harmar? Maplewood Mall? Rosedale? Southdale? Burnsville Center?..maybe more likely in the Winter when the daylight is less and colder of course..maybe Galleria as well
-Along the Mississippi River in St.Paul
-7th Street and/or near Irvine Park
-Across the High Bridge..definitely not during the the Winter though
-Cavalry Cemetery: where Joyce is. Beyond going to talk to her, doing a walk.
-many others I'm sure.
The point about the walks, and some may end up hopefully with others beyond The Arboretum.
But I also have both now gone to the Eagan Library and now as I write this, the St.Paul Jewish Community Center.
And I suspect the 4 or 5 go-to's could be
-Mt. Zion Synagogue
-Barnes & Noble
-Eagan Library
-JCC
I'm paying for the JCC for example. Barnes & Noble is the 1 I've probably enjoyed the most, or got the most out of thus far per I have engaged with the staff. Mt.Zion somewhat as well, and that has a weekly ritual and structure to it. But the people there have really been nice and approachable. They do have other events and activities beyond the Shabbat services that I may be involved with at some point. I need to do some research and see.
I also am going to try and look into Community Ed, specifically Cooking classes. The concern I have though for those are, that they seem to be about learning to cook 1 specific dish or style, which still may be worth doing, but not necessarily my ideal "cooking class" as opposed just a general class.
The social aspect to those and all this stuff seems to vary. Taking walks by myself may not result in a lot of social activity, but it potentially could I suppose.
As I am at the JCC right now, it does concern me a little bit from a social standpoint, most of the people here on a Thursday night are
a) Here to workout.
b) Here with their children, often to workout
Which kind of tells me, there's a chance getting something more out of coming here really will require me working out, as opposed to going to Barnes & Noble or the Library. And I do think swimming or walking, as long it doesn't require more $, I could be up for. I'm not sure though even doing those acitivities will lead to a lot of social activity. It might, but I swear I've had many experiences of that kind of thing where the people in public doing that stuff want very little to do with me and probably others socially.
But I won't know, if I don't try I guess. So, my next trip to the JCC sometime soon, I'm gonna have forgo blogging and maybe even reading, and plan to try and to do some walking.
I do know people here from my past, but who knows if/when I will run in to them. There is 1 woman who I used to go to school and Hebrew/Sunday school with I know does come here.
I guess if I do run into someone, her, or someone else potentially, it may make things easier.
But the primary reason for me coming to the JCC, joining, etc, was to get out of the house, and find an escape from the Misophonia-triggering neighbors/neighborhood I live in. And to maybe meet some (new) people, or spend time with people. Not necessarily doing physical activity though. More social. People watching, talking about things, common interests, etc. But, the jury very much is out on that.
I'll see. I may see how it goes, coming here over many trips, if I'm getting more out of it or not.
The other locations I am thinking of seeking out for an escape from my isolation at home, sometimes later in the evening perhaps
-Perkins
-Lunds, which is open until 10pm and has tables to sit and dine on
-Caribou..potentially several, but 1 of the locations in Eagan for sure
And along with B&N and maybe even another restaaurant or 2 potentially, they could serve the same purpose that I had in mind at the JCC, without having to pay for the membership. Per the JCC is still $83 a month? something like that, so it ends up being like $1000 per year. Not a fortune, but not nothing.
I guess it may depend my finances when the dust settles in the coming months. I am facing the reality that I am a 1-income household. But I also am shopping/paying for just 1 now. There also is the reality that I am currently now a 1-pet or cat household as well. So at least for now, I am saving $ in some of areas as well.
In other words, maybe $1000 a year isn't so dramatic, depending how much I can save. But there's a lot of other factors, especially just considering I may need to try saving $ anyway. Even or especially the $ that will come out of Joyce's affairs.
But for now, I'm going to try the JCC. But coming to the JCC to read and blog may not be what I do every time or even at all eventually. I don't know.
1. Synagogue
2. Barnes & Noble
3. Library
4. JCC
In terms of Social activity. But the library and JCC, I'm just starting to use so the jury is very much out. I do still worry though, I'm going to experience what I used to experience before I met Joyce in that I am people watching, and I'm noticing them, but they are not showing me they are noticing me if they are at all.
People go to these places to do their thing and go home. They're not bars, or even social clubs. Although I would think they would have them. The library also clearly is a spot at times for MUCH YOUNGER people. High School, Grade School and maybe some College Students who may not want anything to do with me.
I'll admit, if I could meet people into music or scifi stuff, even that young, it would hold some possible social connections. But I feel creepy talking to kids that young. Although I don't come across or look as old as I am. But still, the socializing with kids more than half my age?..yeah, I just feel like it's not a great idea.
I guess with the JCC, like all of these experiences, some of it is random chance, but maybe if I did the exact same thing on another night or a few times, I may end up with a different result.
Although I am reminded, like at the library the other night, it could backfire, and hearing loud groups of younger people or children could be worse than not talking to anyone. Unsure.
But for tonight, I'd say
Finding a quiet place to read and escaping the kids and noise near my home that I can hear? yes
Seeing or connecting with someone here at the JCC while reading or blogging? not really
I guess I will do some research and intend to go walking in my next trip. The destination indoor walks here though, might be enough to keep my membership during the winter at least. But like I said, I have some skepticism it will result in the "meeting new people" thing.
But researching if there are groups/clubs of people with similar interests here? Music/Vinyl/Concerts? Scifi? Film? Sports even?..maybe even a Widow/Widowers group?..kind of like the grief group I do Zoom calls with every few weeks, might exist.
I will admit, seeing kids here..8-15 or 16 y/o ish..I mean that was me back in my youth anyway here, so I shouldn't be super surprised to see much of that still here.
I guess I may report back on this at some point soon. Call it an experiment that I need give some time with. Barnsie and Mt. Zion..seem to be ok. The Library(s) and JCC?..gonna have to see over some more time.
There is also the Geek Hangout..which the jury is still out on too. I'd love to meet some fellow DS9 or Psych fans even, which they may exist, but finding them and connecting where people get together? could be a big hurdle. But maybe it's just a matter of digging...
An extraverted Social person who often feels invisible to others with the intention of not bothering them. Is it due to everyone else being introverted? or is it just me? Social Anxiety (Disorder)? I swear I have it, or have had it, despite my chatty nature. I feel like I bother people by talking too much. But I likely am on the spectrum anyway. But maybe I just need to learn to ask others about themselves more, and they will engage more?